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Monday, September 24, 2012

Dean - Journal Excerpt, January 10, 2012

Driven: a state of mind that ten months ago was beyond my comprehension.  I was wrong in those early days.  It was never about how the cavern was changing me; it was more about what the D’ni civilization had awoken within me.  So different I am now than who I once was on the surface.  How was it that I was drifting through life with no meaning; no purpose?  Why did I never stop to think about the direction my life was headed?  Sure, I succeeded at most tasks but I never put much effort in doing so.  My way of thinking was "Why work hard and do something right, when it is so easy to just slide by?”  
My thoughts tonight are on Ghen and wasted potential.  Ghen was able to teach himself the art of writing, without the background and structured learning.  This left many holes in the true understanding of what he was actually doing.  Rather than writing a link to an age as the D’ni did, he saw himself creating the worlds.  I consider how Atrus became aware of his father's corruption, at such a young age - watching his father move further and further away from what Atrus himself felt to be the right path.  How was he so strong not to follow after his father?  Everything was right there for him to reach out and take.  Power over so many worlds could have been his.
Greater power lies within mutual respect, not in proving your supremacy.  In this, son and father were separated.  Not just with Ghen and Atrus, but also with Atrus and his sons; Sirrus, Achenar.  Atrus took his sons with him on many expeditions to ages and showed them how you could help people better their lives through new ideas and modifications to their technology.  When Atrus's grandmother passed away he buried himself in his work, leaving Achenar and Sirrus to learn by themselves from the Lesson Ages.  This separation from their father along with a sudden freedom, opened the door to self-indulgence.  They pillaged their father’s ages of wealth, exploited the people with promises of changes they would bring (if the inhabitants did as they asked) and finally betrayed all trust, burning the linking books.  Such a trend only ceased when they succumbed to their own greed and fell prisoners in their father’s prison books.
Few people reach their full potential in life.  Ghen was selfish and thoughtless.  Atrus involved too little of himself in his sons.  Achenar could not keep reign on his emotions yet grew to enjoy the torture of peoples he reigned over.  Sirrus had far too much greed and arrogance.  Among this family there was one, who achieved more than anyone could have dreamed.  Atrus’ daughter, Yeesha.  Taking the knowledge and wisdom instilled in her by Atrus and the dreams and visions from Catherine, she yearned to breathe life back into the cavern.  There were others such as the DRC wishing to restore the city, but Yeesha sought more than just rebuilding fallen structures. She longed for the culture, the heart, the very soul of the city to be brought back to life.  With the downfall of D'ni and the destruction of so many ages in the years to follow, Yeesha has been the light and hope bringing The Called to the ancient URU. 
Even now as I am as I am preparing for this next journey, I am already beginning to miss the cavern; the people I have meet here; the friends I’ve made.  We together are helping to bring Yeesha’s dream to life by making D’ni our home.  I hope that by doing my part in helping around the cavern I can contribute to the deep.  I have been having dreams of late about being congratulated in front of many people, for some honor that is unclear.  I feel odd every time I wake up. I have never been one for large crowds and being the center of a group is not my forte.  I never do something with the intent of being praised for it.  I enjoy doing helpful tasks for people from behind the scenes and keep to myself.  Yet in my dreams, people come to me for assistance and commend me for my help.  Perhaps something big is on the horizon.

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